Owners

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Low

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Champion: 2010
  • Third Place: 2009, 2015

Lowlights:

  • Unclear if he’s aware he’s still commissioner

Raph

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Champion: 2009, 2016
  • Runner-up: 2010, 2011

Lowlights:

  • Once got in a shouting match with a dog (and lost)

JP

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Runner-up: 2008, 2009
  • Third Place: 2010, 2016
  • Highest average finish of original members

Lowlights:

  • Yet to complete a trade with less than 5 weeks of negotiation

GUMO

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Third Place: 2011, 2014
  • Annually voted most popular league member at the draft (because he brings free drinks)

Lowlights:

  • Last defensible transaction occured in July 2015

Mama

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Third Place: 2008, 2012
  • Exceptionally high tolerance for putting up with her immature son and his idiot friends

Lowlights:

  • Last place finish in 2010 and 2016
  • Hasn’t responded to an email since 2011

Kenye

Debut: 2008

Highlights:

  • Champion: 2013
  • Runner-up: 2015

Lowlights:

  • 2008 season is generally regarded as the worst fantasy season ever, in any sport, in any country, on any planet, in any galaxy, in any dimension

Craig

Debut: 2012

Highlights:

  • By trading away his best players to contenders every season, should at least be able to claim partial ownership of multiple championship teams

Lowlights:

  • Technically inaccurate to describe his status as “perpetual rebuild,” because to rebuild something you have to have built something to begin with

Hutz

Debut: 2012

Highlights: 

  • Champion: 2012, 2015
  • Runner-up: 2014, 2016
  • Third Place: 2013

Lowlights:

  • All-time record holder for making the most people quit just to avoid him (4)
  • Longest active streak of failing to make a fair offer on a trade (5 seasons and counting)

Heb

Debut: 2013

Highlights:

  • Champion: 2014
  • Runner-up: 2013
  • Beard of the Year: 2013 – 2016 (present)

Lowlights:

  • Likes the New England Patriots

Dewey

Debut: 2013

Highlights:

  • Has been voted Most Valuable .giffer every season since debut

Lowlights:

  • Yet to make a transaction that has worked out to his benefit

Little

Debut: 2013 (took over mid-season)

Highlights:

  • 22 Bud Lights at the 2014 draft
  • Most prolific sidebetter in 2013, 2014 and 2016

Lowlights:

  • Has finished in 12th place in each of his three full seasons in the league 
  • Genuinely believed Drew Smyly would contend for the 2016 Cy Young

Billy

Debut: 2014

Highlights:

  • Easily the most honorable member of the league

Lowlights:

  • Easily the most honorable member of the league

JD

Debut: 2016

Highlights:

  • Definitely the nicest person in the league
  • Has only been in the league for one year, so no one hates him yet

Lowlights:

  • Familiar only with players who play in the American League Central division

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